if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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