We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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