I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize