Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
