I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
