I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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