Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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