11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think my tv is drunk
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
