Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
