i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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