Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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