wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
