I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
