We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dick has a subreddit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
