TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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