i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
