I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
