dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
