Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
