I think I won the penis lottery.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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