True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
