My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
