There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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