I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So many bounce houses so little time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
