You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
