and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is the high leading the old right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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