You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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