I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
