Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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