Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
