I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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