My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize