well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
