A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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