I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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