Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
