believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
