you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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