I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
