Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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