I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
