I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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