I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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