bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
