RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
