I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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