Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
3 2 1 whiskey
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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