omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize