Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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