My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
