I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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