don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think people are normalizing furries
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
