when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Randomize
