Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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