for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
