Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
