We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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