Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize