When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize