remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
