I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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