in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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