Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I AM VODKA MAN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
