and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
